How am I supposed to forget
when I can't really remember
what happened?

Maybe it felt good
and I liked it
for a while

maybe I was too young
to even know what
liking it
meant

How am I supposed to remember
when all I want to do is forget
what happened?

I learn about bodies
write about bodies
theorize about bodies

and what they know
because they know the things

we want to remember
things we want

to forget

even if we don't want them
bodies remember

how am I supposed to live in a body
that has been hurt so many times
taken advantage of

so many times

and you may not believe me
you may not care

but it isn't about you
that's what you always said

and I was supposed to find healing
supposed to find peace

meditate
meditate on what?
a memory
of what was
what could have been

I was supposed to heal
with those black chains on my wrists
with late night talks
and kisses

but healing has to start within
not with kisses
or hugs
or chains

maybe I don't need saving
anyway


I want to remember what happened
but
I am
Dying
to forget