so I continue: whose truth?

So I continue:

Why are we so invested in Truth-in finding the reality of a situation? Why do we have such a deep desire to get to the root of something and to find out if it is real or not? And in the end isn't about authenticity anyway? If we can believe a performance because it is authentic according to our standards we tend to believe it-whereas if the performance is not authentic or something seems off we may ignore it and not believe it. But according Gómez-Peña we are no longer able to distinguish authentic performances from the "wannabees" and this may pose a significant problem. She says it is a problem because people will be able to fluidly change subject positions without ever reaping the consequences (mainly negative) of being in an "othered" position. Not that one should look to be oppressed or gain some sort of pointage from being in a marginalized position but there are certain consequences certain people (certain bodies face) that those who fluidly transition will never have to experience. So what is lost

I feel I cannot address any of these questions adequately without looking for some help from Thomas King (2005) who discusses the power of storytelling in constructing our notions of truth.

As King (2005) notes, "Stories are wondrous things. And they are dangerous"(9). Stories have power and they construct our world-thus they have the power for both good and evil and everything in between and around. If "the truth about stories is that's all we are," then we have the ability to tell a story of inclusivity, acceptance, recognition of privilege, demolition of power structures etc...or we can tell a different story one that doesn't care about the well-being of other people who are different then we are.

King details an experience he had of giving an "authentic" American Indian performance speaking at a university for their "Indian Awareness Week"(62). There were four Native men speaking. As he says, "I told stories. Stories about broken treaties, residential schools, culturally offensive movies, the appropriation of Native names, symbols, and motifs. And Ishi." At the end of all the speeches two of the other men (spokespeaople from the bureau for Indian Affairs) are paid for their services-the other man, an artist and King, a story teller are not paid. King relates this to the fact that he is instead seen as the entertainment-not the voice of authority. Despite his attire, his markers of his race, his performance is not authentic or truthful enough to warrant payment. He makes it apparent that the telling of stories is not of monetary value.

So he decides to change his performance. King loses the traditional dress "turned in my ribbon shirt, my four strand bone choker, and my beaded belt buckle for a cheap but serviceable suit and a rather nice tie..."(67) -decides to throw facts and numbers into his stories-give them some empirical evidence in order to make his performance more truthful. Instead the reaction from an audience member is that he is "an apple...an Indian is red on the outside but white on the inside"(67). So where does the truth of King's experience lie? Is it in the dress-no then King is simply entertainment, so the solution-do not dress like an Indian-then "not only am I not entertainment, I wasn't an Indian"(68). King is caught in a web of where authentic performance lies and how to perform so that he will be accepted and listened to by a variety of people. Where is the truth? That is my question-and how do we know what it is? King would say the truth lies in storytelling-and I do think he would agree that there are multiple truths-as narratives are understood from different subject positions creating a new truth.

I think this also speaks very much to Gómez-Peña's article of Confessions. In this article it is very evident that some people have constructed their truths about Mexican people in various ways. This piece builds on what people desire, what they would write if no one else could see. Through this essay people are able to give their inside confessions about desire As one person confesses, "I desire badly a Mexican man (120)." Yet another comment is, "I want to be seen as a true advocate of your culture; as righteous and not as a 'white liberal' & to make love to a Latina with a firm body"(123). And another entry, "I wish all Mexicans would be deported!!...And take this bad art with them"(121). These comments are all responses to an art exhibit-and although these people all saw the same things they had very different reactions. Some respond with love, with compassion, others with hate and aggression. My own desire really draws me to the comment about being a white liberal. I wonder how authentic this comment is-or if it was done tongue-in-cheek to kind of reveal how much this type of thinking is in the world. If not and this comment is true-that a person does not want to be seen as a white liberal and then makes a comment about being with a Latina with a "firm body"(123) I question this person and their motives. They would obviously not be committed to the "other" in any sort of respectful and reciprocal way. This is the epitome of white liberalism which pays a lot of lip service to diversity issues and tolerance-without really doing a lot of work or actually trying to change the dominant power structures.

All of these reactions are true-as far as we know. And even if they are all fabricated-made up to enhance the pieces' legitimacy then I think it works. Because all of these reactions even if made up are real thoughts people have-real desires, desires that can be mean, nasty, dirty, compassionate, caring and everything in between. But then again where is the truth? According to Gómez-Peña it might be in art-it might be in people's reactions to art-or it might not exist at all.

Pinter

In my own world currently I am trying to figure out my own truth. Is my pain real-is it true. Do I perform it well-is my performance of woman in pain authentic? Are people buying it? Do they really? Do I? I am suffering with a recurring problem I have-endometriosis. It is when the tissue that grows in your uterus during one's menstrual cycle actually grows outside of the uterus. It can grow on th outside of the uterus, fallopian tubes, ovaries-but also the bladder, intestines, really any organ in the general pelvic region. It has hurt so bad for so long even I am questioning my own truth of how much pain I am in. My own truth right now consists of hospital and doctors visits, procedures that require laxatives and saline solution to clean out my entire digestive system. Pain medicines that either do nothing-or make me so out of it that I am dizzy constantly-unable to drive. I cannot do anything-I cannot function as I normally would.

The truth of it is I didn't think it would bother me. But I can't read an article without getting dizzy and sick-it has taken me forever to even think of the words to put on this page. It is an endeavor I will have worked on for multiple days by the time it is finished. And even as I sit here and write I see stars around the screen-in fact I can't look at the screen because I just see a fuzzy haze. I thought I could make it through a simple movie-just sit and watch right? Wrong. Because I had also run an errand that day for my mother-with my girlfriend driving me-I got to the theatre bought my nachos and prepared. But by the time the previews for upcoming movies came on the big screen I felt it. A sharp pain in my lower back on the right side. Despite the fact I had taken every pain medicine allowed me I could not get comfortable and my girlfriend had to reassure me that it was ok to leave. That she wouldn't be upset-and that we would see the film another day.

I am not myself-but I do not even know who or what I am that is not self. I cannot be anything other than self-but this yucky, mucky self is one I do not appreciate. Imagine that all of a sudden everything in your life is changed because you are in too much pain to deal with anything in any sort of real way. And then to be given tiny little pills to supposedly make it all better-and they don't work. Am I being given placebos here? And I do not feel the way I normally feel and I wonder will I always always feel this way? And I know the answer is no-because I have gone through this before and the pain does go away after the surgery. Then do you know what they tell me will help? If I am not made infertile by endometriosis then I should try to get pregnant. Pregnancy is the pain relief plan they have? I am gay-I do not want to carry my own children. I do not want to waste the time and money because as I said before I am probably infertile. Am I a woman if I am infertile? Does it matter if I am a woman or not? My mother says,"In some ways I hope you are infertile because you aren't sure if you want kids anyway and that someone who really wants to be pregnant can be." As if it works out that way-nonetheless if it does I hope this other woman can get pregnant and maybe be my surrogate. That would be justice in a true form right?

But my truth about myself, and my abilities have changed. My desires are different because all I want to do is not feel this aching, this burning, this sharpness, this sickness. I want to wake up and not feel bad. I want to be able to move my body again. I would like to be able to have sex without having to plan it around how badly i hurt at that moment. I would like to not have to plan my life around the pain that I am in. But


I would suggest we stop this never-ending quest to find and uncover the Truth, -the unveiling of the impossible authentic/real performances and instead look for the ways that meaning and truths are constructed between people. This allows their to be multiple possibilities for interpreting situations and issues. And as Jones suggests-it offers us a new way to view authenticity as something that is co-created not something that simply "is." When we allow this multi-vocal approach we allow the possibility of multiple truths. This makes it more possible for us to question the things. But we must be careful not to appropriate these multiple truths and experiences and instead learn to view them ethically and responsibly. I think performance really speaks to this issue that we are not to simply put on a "modernized" and politically correct "freak show," instead we have a responsibility to the people we work with and participate in our research. We also have a responsibility to people not to appropriate their experiences of oppression by fluidly trying to occupy their spaces. This doesn't mean a transperson should not have their surgery or anything like that but that we think about purchasing ethnic jewelery from Target as a way to get a "real" souvenir from another country but is most likely produced in sweat shop conditions by people of that country in harsh conditions. We need to think about choices we make and think of ways we can be more responsible to our fellow humans. We need to


to be continued yet again...